Still Looking Up
by Simple.White.Lie
Summary: We can be anything, anywhere and most importantly with anyone we want to .. In dreams. J/T, Mature content within.


AN-Mature content lays ahead. I heard the song 'I Won't Give Up' by Jason Mraz and couldn't get Jane/Thor out of my head. So here is my first story in the Thor category. Avenger spoilers lie ahead.. Y'all been warned!

* * *

_When I look into your eyes_

_It's like watching the night sky_

_Or a beautiful sunrise_

_There's so much they hold_

_And just like them old stars_

_I see that you've come so far_

_To be right where you are_

_How old is your soul?_

_~Jason Mraz_

She can be anyone she want to in dreams. Her father had always told her this. It was her dream that had led her to being one of the topmost astrophysicist's in the country, to earn her PhD before her 25th birthday, to find a revolutionary theory.

To fall in love.

She laid back on the chair and stared at the blank paper. Paper was beautiful to her, for it held so many possibilities. The white board was full of her calculations, her hypothesis concerning the Foster Theory, but it was on the blank pages of the new notebook did she muse on her other project. To find _him_.

It had been two years and night after night she looked up, falling asleep under the stars. The interns didn't ask why the Astrophysicist preferred the night sky and Darcy kept them in line as her personal assistant.

The younger woman had switched her major and was doing most of her courses online, with the help of Jane. Erik had left for SHEILD shortly after _he _had left, and Darcy was the one left. SHEILD had offered her a generous position, and she had accepted, so long as she could remain in New Mexico.

The lab was normally a hive of activity, but in the chilling wind of the night air, only she remained awake.

"_Jane.._" the breeze whispered and tossed tendrils of hair around her face. The first time this had happened she had jumped and whipped her head about, positive he would be standing behind her with that glorious smile stretched across his face.

Now she sighed and closed the journal, tracing the lines of the sketch on the front cover. The original was kept preserved in a locked cupboard in her desk, her only proof that he existed. That and a snapshot on Darcy's phone that had been sent away and sent back as a beautiful portrait that sat by her bed in the trailer.

She closed her eyes and smiled as her dreams fell around her. _His strong arms held her close as they danced to a song she couldn't hear. Her head rested upon his broad chest, the dark t-shirt stretched nearly to its limit, the black jeans clung to him better than the previous owner. "I miss you." She whispered._

"_Not a day goes by that you do not fill my mind."_

"_Is that an eloquent way of saying you miss me too."_

"_Indeed it is, Jane Foster." His gruff voice was soft and tender, she could feel the longing in his voice, or maybe it was her own need projected onwards. She could care less.. She reveled being held by him, tears springing to her eyes. "Please don't cry Jane." He whispered, his lips brushing against her forehead._

"_I can't help it. I'm trying so hard, but I-.. I don't think I can find my way back to you. You left and-"_

"_Know this. If I could fight my way to you, I would, but circumstances are as such that I cannot."He pulled her face to his, a gentle finger under her chin, "I would stand by your side for all eternity if I could Jane." He leaned down to kiss her cheek but she turned her head at the last moment and his mouth met hers._

_He didn't withdraw, merely cupped the back of her head as she threw her arms around his neck as she once had. Their lips dance in a waltz of fiery passion, she sighed as his tongue invaded her mouth, teasing the seam of her lips. When they finally parted what seemed like hours later her breathing was labored, as was his she noted, priding herself of causing distress in the infamous God of Thunder. His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her close, tucking her under his chin. "I love you Jane Foster." He whispered._

"_I'll never stop looking for you." She said quietly, nuzzling the sensitive skin at his throat. "I lov-"_ She sat up gasping for breath. Her heart was racing as she pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders, brushing aside the tears that had escaped.

"Pull yourself together Foster." She muttered, "He's not coming back." the words from her dream came back to her _I'll never stop looking for you_. She glanced up at the sky, the pale pink staining the ominous darkness.

"Who am I kidding." She muttered, she would always look up, forever be looking for him.

xXx

Her progress had been limited, but as she dawned on new discoveries, all the equations and problems solved themselves as she finished another paper. She stared at the last period on the page she contemplated erasing it all. "What's the point." She said, the picture on her desk stared back at her. Whispered in her ear to never give up. To keep going.

Climbing back onto the roof she cuddled deep into the chair she stared up at the sky as her eyes traced the constellations. Picking out a few of her favourites, she felt comforted that the stars would watch over her while she slept, but still she couldn't bear to close her eyes.

Occasionally, she would dream. Often she would dream of him. Sometimes they were patchy and vague memories of his time on earth, but ever so often they would be real, so real. They would be dancing, or wandering around a city of gold. Once they were flying and another instance they sitting on a grassy knoll talking about growing up. She assumed she was going crazy, but she didn't mind so much. If going crazy while dreaming of him was how she fell into madness, so be it.

She closed her eyes and tentatively sighed, both cursing and praying for the dream that eventually came.

_The golden hall seemed to stretch on for eternity, out the window she could see the stars that had appeared the night he first arrived, the stars that weren't hers. "Jane." _

"_Don't do that."_

"_Do what?" he grinned as his arm reached around her and rested on her hip._

"_Say my name like that..so happy.."_

"_Seeing you is the highlight of my day." She frowned and surmised that her dream Thor would act like that. Like she was the most important thing. He kissed her cheek and they continued to walk down the hall. He led her through the hall until they reached a expansive room, a fire crackled in the hearth and pelts covered nearly every surface, one on the floor in front of the fireplace, another two on the bed, and a large one hanging on the wall. "It suits you." She said softly, admiring the view. "Beautiful."_

"_I would say so." He said, his arms crossed over his expansive chest. She glanced at him as he leaned against the pillar, staring at her._

"_Don't. Please don't." She said, pain etched in her voice. She looked back out to the stars, trying to find something familiar to cling to, her mind couldn't make up an entire constellation.. could it?_

"_Why not." She felt him approach from behind and his arms wrapped around her._

"_It makes waking up so painful."_

"_Then don't wake up." He said, "Stay here."He spun her to face him and kissed her, trailing a line down her neck, finding the spot that made her moan loudly and sink into his strong arms._

"_I wish I could." Her bottom lip quivered and she traced the bare muscles at his stomach beneath his shirt with her fingers. He groaned as her hands explored the new territory. They circled around behind him and her nails dragged down his back. "I want to. Truly." He captured her mouth once more as her hand continued to explore his body. His hand grew restless at her hips and they too began to explore. He pulled the thin shirt over her head and she lifted his off. His lips separated from her neck for long enough to remove the articles of clothing. The maroon satin bra was suddenly too constricting as her heaving chest raced like any thoroughbred._

"_I love you Jane." He whispered against her fevered skin._

_His eyes met hers and she held back the tears as he began to fade. "I miss you, so much. I l-" _

"No." She sat up, her heart thrumming in her chest. They always almost got to the good part when she would wake up. Her heart ached, she felt empty inside, wrapping her arms around her middle as she wept into her hands.

xXx

"How is she?"

"She weeps for you, my prince." Heimdal said softly. Thor had never really paid heed to the odd fellow that watched the skies beyond their own, until he fell in love with a being that was beyond his sky. But for the first time, he felt for the great watcher. Thor had never felt like the eternal creature more so than standing beside Heimdal and wishing he could see her. From the delicate wrinkle between her eyes when she focused, to the way her bottom lip stuck out when they stared at each other. She was the only woman he could think of, the old man in him ready to have a life with only her. But it may never be, but there was always dreams.

In sleep her mind was open and he could graze her consciousness for a brief amount of time. It was rare that he could focus enough, but for her, he would battle any foe, go to any end, just to hold her again.

He felt the brush against his mind and left the great watcher. She was falling back asleep. _"Jane." _He whispered in his mind and smiled. The bifrost may be gone, but he could still see her face. If only for a short time.

He was no longer the callous and thoughtless boy that had thirsted for war and cared not for consequence, that boy didn't know pain, or sorrow, but being separated from the one he loved made that boy grow to the ancient man he felt himself to be. He marched back to his chambers, and slumped on the sumptuous chesterfield that was opposite the roaring fire.

_She sighed and smiled at him, cupping his cheek, her hand soft against his whiskery cheek. "Is this real?"_

"_Tis a dream, anything can be real in dream." He said softly and kissed the palm of her hand. The stars peep in on them from the large window of the great chambers, if only to bask in their joy and contentment, for the brief time they are given._

"_I must be going crazy." She said solemnly, "but I don't care."_

"_You must not give up Jane." His vehemence echoed and his eyes piercing in intensity. "I believe the Midgard saying is 'you're the brains of this outfit'."_

"_-'This operation.' But yeah, that's what they say." She combed back the blond hair with her fingers and continued to trace the lines of his face. His eyes closed as she cupped his cheek. Her face tilted up to his and he caught her mouth in a sweet and lazy kiss._

_Her leg hitched over his hip and she climbed up on top of him, her hands greedy for the smooth hard muscle beneath the parted shirt as she tore it apart to release him from its confines. Once freed, her nimble hands crawled up his broad shoulders and dug into his shaggy hair. His pulse began to race as his hands traced the curve of her waist, up over her ribs until they finally rested on the lacy material at her breast. She let out a low moan and her hands tightened their grip on his hair._

"_My Jane."His words raced across her chest, her breathing a sprint to keep up with the rest of her. She was straddling his hips in only a bra and the miniscule boxer shorts she often wore to bed. She could feel the impossible hardness beneath her bottom and gyrated her hips over it, his own growl guttural and wild. "Please." He groaned. She smiled, pleased that she could get the infamous Thunder God all hot and bothered. He sat up so his eyes are level with hers and gave her a tender smile._

"_My Thor," she whispered and caught his the lobe of his ear in her teeth. His hands pulled at the shorts and she hears the ripping sound as they tore in two. "Hey, I liked those." She tries to be indignant, but his thumb flicks against the hardened bud and her head fell back with a groan. His hands continued their exploration as she whined against his shoulder, "Not fair." She tugged at the dark pants that still covered his lower limbs and he smiled. _

_He lowered her down into the cushions behind her and wiggled out of the rest of his clothes. Glancing down at her he was momentarily stunned by her soft features illuminated in the flickering of the fire. Her chestnut hair was haloed around her head and her eyes were a rich chocolate, warm and inviting. "You are the most beautiful creature in this or any other realm."_

"_Thank you," she said, as kissed her tenderly. The empty ache dimmed as he fueled his passion with the sight of warm and nearly naked Jane Foster beneath him. He knew it was only a dream, that he had made too many promises to ensure he would find her in this plain. It had been a risky deal, but he had not lost anything he would not survive without. She had quickly integrated herself into his life and become the only thing important to him._

_His lips travelled the length of her body, memorizing every curve, every freckle. This wonderful woman who never ceased to enthrall him, amaze him, educate him and surprise him. He kissed a mark that appeared just over her hip and she flinched away. "I hate that thing.." she mumbled, "It's the ugliest birthmark ever."_

_He recalled her words from so long ago.. _"Good with patient's, ba-ad with relationships."_ She looked away from his piercing blue eyes and a crimson stain spread across her cheeks. He looked up at her, wishing he had the words to make her understand that none was more beautiful than her, and for the rest of eternity he would want none other._

"_It is a part of you. And therefore as beautiful as the rest of you." He glanced up and saw tears in her eyes. He kissed it once more and continued exploring. He continued his examination further and was surprised to find bare skin._

"_We can be anything in dreams." She said. He kissed the soft skin inside her thigh and he pressed a finger gently against her, surprised at the sopping wet folds. Even though it was a dream, he wanted to love her properly, like she deserved. She was rendered speechless as he stroked her, stoking the flame that blaze inside. She wanted to tell him to hurry up and get on with it, but he seemed too enthralled in what he was doing, and she wasn't going to stop him._

_Her back arched as his mouth replaced the deft fingers and her eyes crossed as he hummed against her, creating a delicious ache that thrummed deep inside. He continued for far too much longer than she intended and finally dug her nails into his shoulders and brought his face to hers for a searing kiss that left him breathless._

_She was rubbing against him like a cat in heat, her moans of wanton need thrilled him. But looking down he felt a note of fear, no matter the realm, he didn't want to hurt her."Please." she said, wrapping her shapely legs high around his waist._

_He pressed the weeping head inside her and her eyes rolled back. He groaned as he continued to slide in, her whimper cautioned him to slow down further. Every instinct was screaming to pound into her and keep going, but he loved her, so he clung to his minute amount of control._

_Minutes later, he was flush against her and she was breathing heavy. "Are you ok?" he asked, and he felt her smile against his shoulder._

_She didn't say anything for a few moments, but then she looked at him, her dark eyes a melted elixir of lust and _

"_Oh yeah, if you stop now, I'm going to take that hammer of your and do damage." She rolled her hips and clenched her muscles causing lights to flash behind his eyes. She would be the very death of him. He began thrusting slowly, his pacing more for his own control then for fear for her petite body that had shown itself to be far more resilient than he had believed possible for a Migardian._

_His pace frustrated her terribly so. He was near the breaking point as her back arched into him and the moaning from her was punctuated by her nails digging into his broad shoulders. He kissed the reveled pale column of flesh at her throat. She was contorting in delicious ways that he shouldn't love so much, and yet when her leg hitched over his shoulder and he slid in deeper, the guttural groan was loud and echoed in her ears. He felt the heat swell in his chest, the end was eminent, yet he didn't want it to end. He never wanted to leave this place of warmth and love and utter gratification._

_He grunted with exertion, restraining himself was proving far harder than he could imagine. Her back arched and her nails dragged down his back. He knew he would have marks when he woke, but he cared not. He would wear them with pride._

_He raced to find his own release, his teeth marking the soft flesh at her shoulder "I love you." She cried out, "I love you.." her voice trailed off as she screamed through her own climax, his own following on the heels of hers, the deep roar of satisfaction shaking the walls of the dreamscape._

_He fell into the warm confines of her arms, rolling to his side as so not to put his full weight on her small body. How he deserved her love, he knew not, but he would do anything in his power to earn it for the rest of eternity._

_They lay in each other's arms attempting to catch their breath. He felt his face stretch into a wide grin as the previously tight muscles all settled like warm ale against his bones. Occasionally he nuzzled the soft skin beneath her ear, or kissed her shoulder, concerned for her inaction. He felt himself falling into a daze as he rested in the warm circle of her arms._

"_I love you." She blurted, his eyes flew open and he looked to her, "I don't know if this is real or not, but I have to tell you. Somehow."His face creased into a smile and he threaded his large calloused hands in her soft hair. _

"_I know." He chuckled, the tingle racing up his spine as she declared the words he had been waiting for._

"_That didn't count." She said, blushing bright red, "I was.. I can't be held accountable for what I say while I'm-.. while we're-"_

_He rubbed his whiskery cheek against hers and whispered in her ear, "While I'm buried inside you?"She groaned and he chuckled. She gave him a predatory grin as her hand grazed his still slightly hard length, batting her lashes at him._

"_Don't." he moaned, "Or I won't be responsible for my actions." He felt the dream begin to slip and he sighed."I'm sorry." He said as he kissed her, the image began to fade _until he was once again laying on the sofa. Very much alone.

He had to find a way back to her. Now that he knew she loved him, he had to.

xXx

She sat and cried for nearly an hour that morning. The shredded boxers and the marks on her skin told her enough. The dreams were real, he was so close and yet, so far.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." She muttered. The knock at the door was decidedly male and she quickly dressed in her usually jeans, t-shirt and plaid shirt, thankful that the outfit covered all the important parts.

"SHEILD called Jane." Erik said bluntly when she opened the door, "They have a project they need me on."

She nodded and sighed, "I'll miss you." She said as she spied the black truck parked on the other side of the building, "Call sometime." She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. The man was the closest thing she had to a father and had been most helpful in her plight.

"I don't know if I can. I'll try and send word somehow, if I can. But these top secret projects.. They'll be the death of me." She rolled her eyes at his unassuming dramatic flair.

"Oh I'm sure." She smiled, "take care of yourself."

"You too.. Don't overdo it. He's not going anywhere." She scoffed and gave Erik a shove towards the vehicle.

"Go already." Erik dropped a fatherly kiss on her cheek and strode off.

She waved him off from the doorway of her trailer, then peeped around for Darcy. Real or not, Darcy would be able to smell guilt on Jane from 500 yards. She needed to get to the shower in the Lab before the nosy assistant could be roused.

She hobbled through the kitchen and was grateful that Darcy seemed to be out or still abed, and she thanked her lucky stars as she made it to the bathroom unaccosted. The warm stream of water pounded against her aching muscles and she couldn't erase the smile from her face.

She let the steam relax her, and she took her time drying her hair as she let her mind run over the various dreams she'd had. Now that she realised they were real she let herself remember the twenty or so she'd had since he had left.

She didn't know if it was the dream, or the words, but her mind had realised something, a factor she hadn't thought of prior. He had said circumstances had rendered him unable to get to her, _He's not going anywhere…_ had been Erik's words, and how true.

She felt a renewed vigor to finish her research. To navigate wormhole, to travel through them and see his face in flesh.

But for now, she would keep looking up, and keep dreaming.

* * *

Un beta'd and minimal editing. I apologise for all errors, but I just wanted to get this one out. (They really broke the mold with the Helmsworth boys, eh?)

R&R.. Happy reading! S.W.L


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